If your marriage is anything like Lauryn and Michael’s, then you’ve known each other for a long time.
They’ve known each other since they were 12, and are still in a relationship with chemistry and a friendship that doesn’t show any signs of fizzling out.
Here’s more on the story of their relationship and how they first met.
So, how do they do it?
Even if you haven’t known your husband since middle school, marriage is a long-term commitment that can make you so familiar with each other that you get a little bored.
We’re not saying your eyes are looking elsewhere, but you might be falling into a routine that leaves little room for romance OR good sex.
When things get dull, you’ve got to find a way to keep it spicy and flirty, ya know? But, we know it’s not easy to get out of a rut once you’re in it.
Rekindling your romance and falling in love again can help make your marriage healthy and strong, so it’s definitely worth your time.
That’s why today, we’re sharing a round-up of ways to spice things up again—and keep it hot and playful in a way that feels like you.
How To Put The Spice Back In Your Marriage
Utilize each other’s love languages.
If you haven’t checked out The 5 Love Languages, it’s time to figure that out. These love languages can be a relationship GAME CHANGER. Knowing exactly what your partner needs and being confident you can give it to them? Yes, please.
The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Everybody needs a little bit of everything, but some people have a distinct preference for how they best receive love. If you take the time to find out your partner’s love language and shower them with love in that particular way, your partner will feel that love more strongly than if you balanced your love with all five languages.
Go on regular dates.
It’s so important to carve out time to spend together for just the two of you. You need time to talk, decompress, plan, and dream together.
If things are gonna get spicy, you’ve gotta have an emotional connection, plain and simple. And while that emotional connection is OBVIOUSLY there (why else would you be married?), it can get clogged up with everything else going on in your life.
Dates help you reinforce that emotional connection, which makes it so much easier to flirt, have good sex, and feel strong in your relationship.
Even if you’re staying at home for your date, dress up a little. That can make all the difference between a regular night at home and a capital-D Date.
If you need a date night outfit, you know we’ve got your back. Here are 13 Date Night Outfits That’ll Keep You Looking Hot And Feeling Good.
Diversify your sex life.
Okay, we can’t add spice without better sex, right? Chances are, no matter what kind of couple you are, sex has gotten a little vanilla. There’s nothing wrong with that on the surface, of course, but if you’re really looking to bring back some of that pre-marital excitement, it’s time to get a little adventurous.
Something simple, like sexy lingerie or a hot playlist can go a long way. But, don’t be afraid to go even harder (no pun intended.) Experiment with some sex toys, try different positions, and even take on a new identity.
Bring back flirting
Feeling wanted is a super important part of a spicy marriage. There are lots of ways to do that, but we think flirting is the most fun.
It brings an element of intrigue to regular conversation, and turns a simple compliment into something that can make you blush.
Plus, regular flirting is a sign of a thriving, healthy relationship. In our book, anyway.
Be intentional about casual intimacy.
One seemingly small way to bring romance back into your love life when you’re in a long term relationship is to increase your casual intimacy.
When you put in effort to be holding hands, putting an arm around each other, and giving each other quick hugs, it can remind you of when you were first falling in love and couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
And sure, maybe sometimes it’ll go from initiating casual intimacy to initiating sex, but hey, there’s no harm in that.
Put the phones away.
Lauryn is a BIG fan of putting her phone away and living in the present moment.
It’s easy to get sucked in to what’s going on on social media, in the news, or with your friends. But, being present when you’re with your partner is super important to making them feel wanted, seen, and heard.
Plus, it gives you a chance to relax without all the constant notifications.
Set aside a night to put the phones away and spend time with your partner. You’ll be glad you did.
Recreate your first date.
It might seem odd to do something you’ve already done before in order to spice up your marriage. But spicing things up is all about creating that feeling of butterflies and chemistry.
And when were the butterflies and chemistry at one of their highest points? On your first date!
Reminiscing on how it felt all those years ago can bring back the excitement, while also reminding you how much you’ve grown with your partner.
Randomly go out of your way to do something special for your partner.
Whether that’s putting on your chef’s hat, picking up their favorite drink, or taking a chore off their plate, they’ll appreciate the effort you went through to do something nice for them. It changes up the routine, makes them feel good, and makes you feel good, too.
HOT TIP: Lauryn makes a sandwich so good it can literally make your man fall in love with you again. Here’s the recipe.
Create new traditions.
We’ve all got to have something to look forward to.
When your relationship starts to become a little monotonous, giving yourselves something special to look forward to can make all the difference.
Work out together.
Exercise gives you happy hormones, and so does your partner. So why not give your happy hormones a little boost and combine the two?
It feels good to get your body moving, and studies show regular exercise can boost your libido, meaning more great sex is on the horizon.
A Few More Ways to Bring the Heat Back
Try a marriage podcast together.
There are so many great relationship podcasts right now that can inspire deeper conversations. One we love? The HIM & HER episode with Pookie and Jett. These two are raw, hilarious, and unfiltered—talking love, marriage, and everything in between with total honesty.
Also check out:
Where Should We Begin? by Esther Perel
Queue up an episode during your next walk or drive—it’s basically free therapy with laughs.
Start a “spicy” jar.
Here’s a fun twist: each of you writes down something flirty, sexy, or romantic on a slip of paper. Fold them up and toss them into a jar. Once a week, pick one at random and do whatever it says. It’s spontaneous, fun, and keeps things fresh.
Set a bedroom challenge.
This one’s for the couples who want to get playful. Challenge each other to initiate sex in a different way every week for a month. The goal? Surprise, creativity, and a whole lot of fun.
At the end of the day, marriage doesn’t thrive on autopilot. It thrives on effort, attention, and choosing each other over and over again—even when you’ve seen each other in every possible mood, outfit, and phase of life.
And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful.
How do you keep things spicy in your marriage?
If you’ve got great tips on keeping your relationship flirty, fresh, and fun, we want to know. Comment your best tricks down below.
x, The Skinny Confidential team
+ How mastering hip mobility is the secret to better sex.
++ Learn how Woo can make good sex even better.
